blog 2

My life is anxiety. This is the overall concept of what I felt for the past few weeks. This underbelly of what could happen makes my head spiral, until I have to distract myself from an inevitable conclusion. Around me I see I small space. I space so normal for a lot of people, but I have found out that I am not normal yet. This dorm room is a representation of that anxiety. In my hometown, I could feel the air of the city, and be anywhere with reasonable comfort ability. This space sucked up into a single room with two beds, two closets, and a fridge.

         As I try and push my space out, by going to classes and seeing new people, it makes me feel more alone than before. This university is bigger than my high school, and it makes me feel smarter. This paradox of comfort has occupied my mind as I try and think freely again. The transition is something that only time can heal. Maybe the anxiety I feel is a fear, but maybe they are different. The unknown does haunt me, I know that is there, present for the day off in the distance always.

         This new busy loneliness has turned me to my work. I looked at the paradox of language that I got form the last podcast, how the more specific our definition, the more it is bland to us. That shell shock is more of ardent than PTSD, but PTSD is more of a correct identification. Maybe it is better to not think so much about certain things. Maybe the emotion of what I see is the best it gets. Then again, what if the world I see is superficial? There is always something new to learn, and I think that having an ever-changing perspective is vital for variety in life.

         Fear is a curious thing as well. Does our biology make us this way, or does our environment evoke a response? I saw this documentary; Bowling for Columbine, and it was about the culture of fear in America. That many of the people in this world, could go by being scared of something, whatever that may be, and miss out on potential that could change everything. I wonder why the news stations are the way they are. They seem to be so sensationalized and fear mongering that they don’t seem in the public’s best interest. As to keep the people scared is the way to control them. I mean, basic human existence has been predicated on overcoming the fear. We wouldn’t have Steve Jobs if he quit after failing, or that hunter not standing up to the wild beast centuries ago. Our emotions are such a basic part of our brain, which we can characterize it in a ways that depend on its situation. A face of fear could be seen as face of sorrow with context.

         I think of it in the sense that what makes me happy is the irrational hope of something greater. So it is logical to not be stuck in only logic? Translation is hopefully reliable, because after the other podcast I listened to, the effects certain words have differ in separate language. So is language a barrier? Can we ever have a common thought process, and would we want one?

         I was watching a movie called A Beautiful mind, and they showed a Hollywood version of John Nash’s discovery in the world of economics. I asked my dad, who is an economics professor, what he meant by personal interest is not always the most optimal outcome. This sparked a discussion that leads me to my final question: is it morally right to do what is right for yourself, or to be selfless? We all have a short amount of time on this Earth, and we are all human, so wouldn’t it make sense to do what is right for you? Although I have always been under the impression that being for others is the best thing. Is it morally right to do what you think is best, or what is best for others? Is it ok to be irrational? How does time affect how we see our life? What is the impact of technology having on our empathy? How can reading contribute to being happy?

Is it morally right to do what is best for you? Or is it best to do what is best for everyone else? Weird how they can be both together and separate. One hand, you could be narcissistic or tool, and on the other you could be someone looking out for the greater good. I think that seeing they world through a lens of self worth, and self-sacrifice is a discussion that I could pursue in this draft. You are brought up in western culture, under a system of individualism. That what you do, is what happens to. That all you have to is cross your I’s and dot you t’s in order to get some place in the world.

         People seem to measure what you are based off that to. That your resume somehow is what is in your heart. I think that the Facebook profile has turned people into critiquing themselves, instead of bettering them selves. Living up to the standards around us that are put forth by others looking for the same thing you want; Power and the chance to do something great. This could mean anything. It could mean that you want to make all the money in the world, and then you would be happy. It could mean that you get to change people’s lives, and not earn a dime for it.

         My view is somewhat like that. I don’t knew whether the self serving traits can get me places, like I have to beat the game, in order to change it. I think in society we are at that crossroads. One side says that you should take care of themselves and that is what they deserve, or is it the binds set before them that strain them from being something greater. It is a political debate that is a core value in people’s ideology. Is it the individualism that is better then a group worth? Personal freedom is a big thing.

         I think this could be worked into a lot of what I think of in my projects. It is a good point of reference to society. You don’t want to be seen as selfish, because that is a bad thing. But without taking something for you, the world wont cares. You don’t want to be stuck there not have anything to show for yourself.

         It ties in with the point in whether the irrational idea that you are the master of your fate is a good thing. Maybe having the illusion is how you get by, because facing full reality is depressing. People, who do wrong in the world for short-term gain, don’t see the consequences. It is like they have lost touch with the future. Why should they care? Or why shouldn’t they care?

         I think my question is one that is over a system of giving and taking, and whether that is right or not is something that I have seen in a lot of movies and documentaries. I think can think of a lot of symbolism for this subject; that I feel can be branched off of.